Thursday, June 28, 2007

Cherry Cassidy

This is a story about Cherry Cassidy, a story about a girl who farts. Now listen up all you guys out there! I’ll destroy for your pleasure, here and now a common myth that you all believe. Women. Fart. What’s more they can do it well. They can be long and loud or silent, but violent. They can rival you in your sphinter blubberings any day of the week. You want swamp gas? You’ve got it. Anytime a woman feels that rumble of intestines, she could let fly with a stench so foul, you’ll think you can taste it. You can feel it creeping over your tongue, your teeth as it invades you, overpowering you so that your eyes water. You’ll begin to retch, it’s that bad. Anyone heard of the bog of eternal stench? Just try scorning a woman as you lie next to her in bed, you’ll see what I mean.

This particular girl was particulary talented in the anal region. In fact it became her weapon and yet her weakness. The thing is, she was beautiful, stunning, the type of woman envied by other women. Her svelte figure, her smile, her charm…. She had men falling over her. They claimed ridiculas notions of love at first sight, swearing that she had given them a look meant just for them. Really she was just getting dust out of her eye. She was stalked, kidnapped, secretly photographed for purposes I don’t like to mention.

Yet it had it’s perks. On any night she choose to go out, her drinks were free, she was given expensive presents, such as airline tickets and jewerally, she dined free, attended the theatre or some concert free…. Her life was one big free ride. On occasion these buyers of gifts would feel that they deserved something in return. They were not happy to discover that this feeling was not reciprocated by her, free drinks sure, expensive gifts, fine, but me put out? I don’t think so. Sometimes she could convince these men through voice alone that the night was not going to go as they had planned. However, she was sometimes required to let go a vapour trail so thick, you could almost see it in it’s sulphur-yellow entirety. The men would be revulsed by her, and leave, never to try anything again. Yet her beauty was such that she was always in constant supply of fresh prey, such fools men are!

This was her life, and she was content. Then It happened. The one thing that could never be. Cherry fell in love. When she fell, she lost all control of the super farts. She was propelled along the street by little bursts of gas with a dreamy expression on her face. She thought constantly about his eyes, his face, the way he stood, how he sat with his long fingers interlaced. The way he cut a tomato could almost bring her to orgasm, yet instead it released a string of oders so pungent, you would swear that the pot plant behind her died a little. Luckily for her the love was requited, as all beautiful people are generally lucky in love, but Cherry started to worry about her smells. Perhaps she would lose this wonderful being that had stumbled into her life. She tried to control her butt efflusions, she squeezed the cheeks of her arse together as she walked with him, but at looking at him, she would be overwhelmed and relax her muscles. She took desperate measures, attempting to wedge a cork deep in inside her ring, but to her dismay, it popped out and flew across the room when she bent over. Finally, she went to a specialist. He recommended a change in diet, no cheese, no pickles, no onions, no green vegetables. Cherry was allowed foods that were 90% water and white bread only. Under this new regieme, she created wild and wonderful salads of cucumber and watermelon, cold soups of bread, tomatoes and capsicum, desserts of lychee and orange. However it did little to reduce the explosions from her backside.

In desperation she had a surgical mucus taken from the remains of her hymen inserted that would let through solids, but keep back the bubbles of foul air. It worked! She could spend days on end gazing at her lovers face, without a single worry about the overpowering smell of her rear end. So Cherry was happy again. She returned to the public eye and could be seen arm and arm walking the promenades with her lover. They took a holiday at the seaside and Cherry sunbathed nude, read books on the beach and took photos of her lover as he swam powerful strokes at the wave line. The sun beat down on her body and her lover emerged out of the ocean, dripping wet like a Greek god. He lay down beside her and she leaned in to kiss his sweet lips. Just then the worst happened. The butt gas that she had kept inside for so long erupted from her mouth! Her lover turned his head away and started to cough, the tears from the stench running down his face. Cherry was mortified! Then she felt another rising in her throat. She fought it down, swallowing the bubbles that began to come thick and fast. Cherry lay on her stomach concentrating on keeping the fart burps inside. Her lover sat up, his eyes streaming. Then he pointed to her and started to laugh. The surgical mucus barrier was swelling from her behind. It grew larger and larger and to both their disbelief it formed a perfect bubble and floated away from her body. Soon Cherry began to let loose a string of bubbles, pearlescent and opaque with the stench inside. Cherry got up from the beach and ran to the bathroom where she scrabbled at her tight hole untill the barrier came away, bloodying her hand. Cherry let forth a smell so bad that she fainted away on the floor. When she came to, her lover was leaning over her. “ I love you Cherry Cassidy” he said and kissed her mouth.

1 comment:

Ricki Hudson said...

Vominous and vile. At what moment does fiction subside to reality? This prose remarkably blurs the two.

Ricki